JUNE.

Sorry for the long absence.. .

I was thinking about what I should write.. now they’re all spilling together in my head. A lot has happened this month, and where should I begin? Hmmh.. To put it plainly, June has been bitter-sweet with sad endings and wonderful beginnings. It has led me to realize that every thing I once held with pride, now lie in ruins. The aspects in my life I was so sure of has fallen. The securities I was holding on to has capsized. But oh well.. . I am thankful. All things work together for the good~ He’s doing something. Of course, there something we call “rebuilding the ruins” too. There is hope. Like Nebuchadnezzar, conceit has crept through me, my God won’t allow that, will He? The proud, He is able to humble. Thankfully.. .

June has been a delight. The unnecessaries have been stripped off, sad.. heart-wrenching. But.. there is PEACE in it. The road of righteousness is not facile, but it is worth it. Well worth it.

And I’m happy too. I’m always ecstatic with what we do at school. I have 6 majors this semester and I am so loving it! This is my heart. Hahah.. and I am so thankful that God has led me here. Tiring, but I’m appreciating it much! Actually, I am appreciating a lot of things more.. my family.. friends.. gifts.. and even my responsibilities. I’m honored to have them. Such joy to me, truly they are.

But then, I have something I just realized this morning. Something I have failed to guard myself from. I guess.. I have allowed it in a sense.. casue I was simply tired of it. Kapal ng muka ko. Now, I am a very lenient person. I always try to understand, try not to be objective, try not to put my own concerns first before other’s, you get the idea. But there’s this one person, the nerve of him! He hasn’t violated me directly.. didn’t do anything offensive to me personally, at least not on purpose. He’s been hurting people. I hate it. And now, I think I hate him too. Such shallow mindedness.. for his age! Ugh~ It just pisses me off. He can’t seem to comprehend.. to understand, he who claims to love with greatness. Such irony, oh please! You‘re so drenched in conceit. Narcissist. Please see that.. you‘re not good for the ones you love. Plus, the assumptions, you’ll always get that from him. The thing I hate the most coming from the person I.. I love. Yes, I love him and I hate him. Never have I desired to lash out at someone.. but I so want to with him. Hahah.. shoot me. It’s taking the better of me and I hate it because it’s making me as bad as him. Worse. Oh God, help… I’m talking in pride. I’m nothing.. He who has been forgiven little loves little. Waaaaahhhhh~ Where are my principles? God, help me see him through Your eyes. But waahhh~ I really am bitter. Full of disgust, because he should know better. Argh.. I should know better. I guess it ain’t wise to speak under the circumstances.. so I better stop and confront. Not good with it.. but I should, right?

Oh.. so help me God. I can feel my words sharp and piercing. Give me much grace so I could do the same. Hmmh.. . Oh.. I know Your grace is already upon me.. help me be sensitive to Your Spirit so I could be wise with my choices. Not just under this scenario.. but in everything.. every time.

Humble me, once more. I am wretched.

—

[edit] Hahah.. .
Your Word, Your Time.
The title of my devotion -- Forgiveness frees the Soul.
Now, that speaks for itself doesn't it? :) [/edit]